Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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