That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
