Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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