Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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