i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
