This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
