I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
