I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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