There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
