i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
