My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
