ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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