I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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