I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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