...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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