Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
