the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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