My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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