maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
