I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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