The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
