We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
