i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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