Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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