I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
