i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
