Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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