the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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