hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
