I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Drake has all the answers
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
