That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
