She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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