1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
