I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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