Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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