This is not my ceiling
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
