as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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