i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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