Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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