so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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