I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
