I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
