In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The air was thick with penises
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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