Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
