Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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