maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
