physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
