So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
