i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
