did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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