I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
