Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
