Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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