is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
