Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
