I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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