Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
